Girls guide to dating zombies
But once you make it known to them, they’re able to apply themselves accordingly for as long as you require. There’s none of the embarrassment reportedly attached to showing an unzombified human male where it is.According to women’s magazines from the latter half of the twentieth century, few things were more awkward than telling a partner where the clitoris is.All BZ poachers should be exiled to the wilds of suburbia and made to exist on vending machine Spam and cream soda. At no point will a zombie roll off you and say, “Thanks, honey, I’m good.” You’re the one who’s going to have to do the rolling off (and much of the rocking! Most people think that zombies are inured to the cold because they are non-blooded creatures.And while you’re feeling morally superior to bzomb stealers, don’t forget to check out Tags: advice, bad form, betrayal, boyzomb, cream soda, dating, etiquette, fully domesticated zombies, get your own boyzomb, grass-is-greener-itis, irresponsible behavior, poaching, relationships, responsible behavior, stealing, zombies Listen up, Girl Guides, because this one is especially false: Zombies only care about your satisfaction. They don’t know what an A, B or C is, let alone the Big O. The sad truth is, the lack of a heartbeat is often accompanied by a lack of sense!As dead creatures with reanimated life, they have no pleasure centers in the prefrontal cortex (or any cortex). When was the last time your boyzomb realized his hand had frozen off? Follow these simple rules for a happy, safe and fun winter. Few things compare with the exhilarating feeling of flying down a hill with the wind in your hair and your honey’s arms around your waist.They don’t eat brains because they enjoy the taste; they eat brains because they’re compelled to. But think twice before indulging in this cold-air thrill.A zombie’s permanent state of decay means a seemingly harmless tumble on a Flexible Flyer can result in an inconvenient amputation or disfiguring scar (aw, but you’ll love him anyway! Even light boogie boards pose a risk: The rope used to pull it up the hill has been known to cause unexpected decapitations when not handled proper (i.e., by you). To be fair, skies are a lot less harmful to your rottie hottie than a sled. Look for LOVE IN THE TIME OF ZOMBIES later this month.
But for a quick read that’s out of left field I highly recommend it.
Here’s how it works: You want to take your boyzomb to the slaughterhouse for a very special, 17-day anniversary dinner but it’s also your bestie Tabitha’s birthday. There is much to miss with the zombification of the male population—sparking wit, spirited conversation, even the well-thought-out zinger in the middle of a heated argument—but the loss of old-fashioned courtesy is not one of them. Think of it as the end of awkward pauses at the door.